Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dating Rituals: Yanks vs. Ulstermen


1) Spot a woman you'd like to fuck and think of someting witty to say.

2) You go up to her. You say something witty and unique (so you think). In her mind, it just sound really corny but if you're cute you've got a chance.

3) You buy her a drink and she thinks you're cute (or she's just desperate) and you exchange witty banter.

4) You exchange phone numbers and say you'll give her a call sometime.

5) That sometime must be three days. Call too early you're too desperate. Call too late she thinks you're not interested.

6) Three days pass and you give her a call and ask her out to coffee. Coffee first because you don't want to spend loads on her for dinner if she turns out to be a dudd.

7) You pick her up at her place. She checks out your car and the way you dress and sees if you brought her a token present, and if you open her car door. If she only gets 2 out of 4, then she'll end the date at coffee.

8) Coffee becomes like a job interview. So what do you do? Where you originally from? What kind of movies do you like? What do you usually do on the weekends? What kind of food do you like? If guy likes girl then he'll use the "What kind of food do you like?" to transition into the dinner date.

9) Dinner date. More of the date interview. At this juncture, she sizes you up by checking out how much you make by the type of restaurant you take her and how you treat wait staff.

10) Dinner is over and the bill comes. Girl does the wallet reach to test out if he's a cheapskate. If he says don't even think about footing for the bill, then he's good to go. If he say, ok let's go dutch, he's toast.

11) You drop her home and say you had a nice time and wish her goodnight. What you do at this point will make or break a second date. Do you kiss her on the lips, forehead, cheek? Do you give her a big hug or a hug and a pat on the back? Or what? If the guy really likes her and wants her on the second date then he either kisses her on the cheek or gives her a great big hug. He wants to really get laid so he kisses her on the cheeks AND gives her a great big hug.

12) At this point she becomes smitten and anxiously awaits his call.

13) You call in a week. Guy wants to make like he has a life and has no time for her but despite his busy schedule has made time for her. She becomes even more smitten so he takes her a to a movie.

15) After the movie, he tries the hand reach and tries to hold her hand. He does and she blushes.

16) He invites her for a drink at his house. She says it's getting late and she is expecting him to kiss her on the lips. He kisses her on the lips.

17) Guy has a real good chance at getting laid. He sends her a text message and reminds her that he had a really great time last night. She's smitten and showing the text message to her coworkers and friends.

18) You can't wait so you call her the next day and set up another date ASAP.

19) You invite her over to your house for dinner. You cook her an elaborate meal.

20) Pop a bottle of wine and makeout in the living room and then you fuck her. You bid her goodnight and tell her you will call.

21) She never hears from you again.


1) Get yourself drunk enough to get the balls to walk up to a girl and talk to her.

2) Buy her drinks and get her drunk and make her laugh a lot.

3) You both stumble drunk to her place and end up fucking.

4) Once you finally become sober, you realize you're married and have 4 kids.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Ha, my thoughts exactly! I wrote a similiar thing on my blog!